Here are a few highlights from the Reference Desk recently:
Older gentleman with a gray mustache walks up, holds up an empty bottle and spits his tobacco juice into it.
Do you have a San Antonio phone book?
No, but I can look something up for you.
The ladies over there said you have one.
We have some phone books but not for San Antonio but I can look something up for you.
--exchange about what he wants--
(spits again into bottle)
(leans waaa-aay over to look at the computer screen and breathes tobacco breath all over me)
Well, I guess that's the number I need. Do I owe you anything?
Nope, just have a nice day. (Leaves to sanitize hands)
Helping a lady find some audiobooks on CD.
Ooh, there's an author we like. Have you read this one?
You hadn't read a good book the last time I was in, what do you do with your time?
I read a lot of nonfiction (internally ranting, out of the tens of thousands of books in this library, you're criticizing me for not having read the 1 or 2 you have?!).
Man having trouble logging into the computer after having just gotten his library card.
(me, walking over to ask if he's having trouble and dodging the chair he just pushed back)
Are you having trouble logging--?
Here, you can have this (shoving his new library card in my direction). Do you have a shredder?
You can turn in your card at the front desk.
(Striding away, angrily mumbling) You can have this back, it's no good to me.
(Throws library card across the circulation counter and on the floor and strides out).
Terms of endearment lately: honey, sweetheart, darling.